So I really like this guy….bla bla bla….yeah. Nuff said, because I refuse to publicly embarrass anyone like that. But you get the idea. I’m into older guys and the chances of men having ED in some form goes way up as you age. FML….no fuck HIS life. Somehow it makes the situation more attractive to me because I am truly that fucked in the head, I like projects….easy is boring.
To me, it’s not a big deal. He cannot get it up, whatever. I don’t take it personally I know sometimes that is going to happen. I don’t think any less of you, you didn’t fail. You are still an amazing sexy beast. Lets just forget it for right now. Hell, if you knew all the times I wasn’t in the mood and faked it you’d hate me lol YOU still rock my world baby……
But that isn’t whats going on, and that isn’t how HE feels. (I won’t even touch the women who make it about them, bitch get over yourself, if he didn’t want to try to fuck you he wouldn’t be there with his pants down looking all vulnerable in the first place, get over yourself it’s not all about you, you dumb cunt) So assuming you are emotionally secure enough to understand this is a MANS problem and understanding it from HIS point of view is paramount.
Fast forward to the first time this happens to your man. It may be with you, it may have been before you. Regardless, he remembers it. It is deeply emotionally damaging to a man when he cannot perform. Often this first time is enough to set them up for failure in the future because they cannot get it out of their heads. And when it starts happening again, well they are fucked (not literally lol…such a bad joke) you can see the panic in their eyes. Even if they are good and they have it all under control and plan on eating you out for the next hour until you cant move your legs anymore. Even if they have that kinda game….you can still see they worst kind of panic and fear in their eyes.
Those moments he is more vulnerable than you or I females could ever imagine. We have set up a sexual culture where a mans worth in that department is totally defined on his ability to perform. In doing so we have unfairly put way too much pressure on men. More so we have really shortchanged our entire sexual experiences. When the goal is so focused and revolved around a mans erection you loose out on the really spiritual sexual growth you can have.
I am thankful to have encountered this “problem” it caused me to look into things I never would have. I have always been what I would now call a “lazy lover”. Sex was just fucking. The opportunity to make it so much more is amazing.
If your man starts to falter, don’t make it a big deal. Don’t say lets forget this….because he was there, he showed up, he wants you, he would do anything to have you. Lay him down, kiss him, touch him, massage him, all of him. Make space for him emotionally so he knows its ok and you are not disappointed, if you are disappointed, check yourself. Remember any amount of disappointment you may be feeling is nothing compared to the shame, anger, vulnerability, worthlessness, failure…..need I say more….that he is feeling. Be his lover. He can enjoy sex without having an erection, both of you can. There are plenty of ways. If you don’t believe me google that shit.