Friends till the End
Who do you think about at night before you drift off to sleep? The one you wonder about from time to time that you haven’t seen in years?
Mine is my best friend growing up. We were inseparable for many many years. Our friendship started in 6th grade with a little crush he had on me. A note left in my locker on a pink detention slip. I don’t remember how things went down, I know I wasn’t interested. And the irony would come two years later when the tables were turned and I thought I was in love with him in the 8th grade.
I did love him. I still do. I would have done anything for him and I did many times. But our relationship never went in that direction. Ever. We remained best friends until a couple years after graduation. Towards the end of high school people all thought we were a couple. You never saw one of us without the other.
His smile lit up my world. The day that still sticks out in my mind as one I never wanted to end was the day we graduated. We were driving in my shiny red z28 Camaro, the sun setting over the vineyards, reflecting the warm glow off his signature aviators. We smiled, we laughed, we drove too fast, we listened to all our favorite songs. Everything was going to be ok. We both made it though. We had no idea about life. But for a moment everything was ok. That moment is literally still frozen in my mind, I can still feel it.
We had routines. We went on trips together. He knew me, all my flaws, me his, and we just got on like we were made for each other. I never did have a sexual interest in him. I loved him. I don’t know if that makes any more sense to me now than it did then but it was how we existed.
To this day I owe my life to him. After graduation I lost control. Life hit me. My habits took hold of my demons and I got lost in them. He was the one there for me. And not in some fucking oh pity her way or she needs help way like most people would have been. He knew me too well. That shit would have just pushed me away. He stood by my side and watched me as I fell but made sure he was always close enough I didn’t fall on anything too dangerous.
There would be late night phone calls to pick me up in bad places that would ultimately result in another lost girlfriend for him when he brought me back to his apartment. And he never thought twice I don’t think. Missed days of work because I was held up for days at a time at his place on some bad shit paranoid out of my mind. He let me use his tooth brush. He loved me more than I think anyone ever has. I pushed and pushed and he would have done anything for me. No one else has ever seen so much hell come out of me and still choose to stick around.
Our lives eventually caused us to part ways. The last time I saw him, I almost cried. He had hanging above his couch in his living room his favorite skateboard I had gotten him. He pulled out this box with all this stuff he had saved from us. A photo album from our trips. It broke my heart. I could see his girlfriend, now wife, sitting next to him wanting to kill me. I wish with all of my heart I could tell her it wasn’t like that. That we were just two lost souls that had a different kind of love.
We don’t talk much anymore. And when we do I am sad for him. His life hasn’t worked out how he maybe would have hoped. He doesn’t sound happy. I wish he did. I would do literally anything to make him happy. Such is life.